new ways to have hot, passionate sex. With all these tricks to try we are often left
wondering, what happens if the sex isnonexistent? In my line of work, I often am
faced with couples that are at a sort of sexualstandstill, and this is (to say the least)
frustrating for all parties involved. Whathappens when that passion begins to fizzle
and you find yourself in the midst of a dryspell? And even more importantly, what can
you do to reignite the flame? Read on to learn the keys to return the heat between the
sheets:
1. Open the lines of communication.Chances are, if you’re unhappy with the
quality or quantity of sex that you’re having,your partner could be too. There is a common
misconception that less talk means moreaction, when in all actuality, this is not true.
Your partner is not a mind reader!! Find a time (NOT while things are hot and heavy) to
bring up your concerns and make yourrequests, but do so in a way that makes your
partner feel wanted, not blamed.
2. Make the time to connect.
I know, this sounds so simple. The truth of the matter is that the majority of men and
women become sexually aroused in verydifferent ways. Women, for instance, will
often present with complaints of a lack of romance, intimacy or feeling like they are not
connecting with their partner. This comes from an intrinsic need for emotional
closeness in order to be aroused sexually.Men, on the other hand, often seek physical
intimacy (i.e. sexual intercourse) to feel connected emotionally. You can see how
things might get a little complicated. Taketime to turn the focus toward reconnecting
with one another in an intimate way. In the sex therapy world, we often talk about sexual
intimacy as a broader category of acts that may not include intercourse. For instance,
sensual massage, showering together andother erotic activities can bring partners
closer together, before they take to the sheets.
3. Prioritize your relationship.
Think about all of the things in your life thatyou need to actively maintain. When the
fridge is empty- you get groceries. You fillyour car up with gas and get the oil changed
so that it continues to run. In the same way, you need to make time to focus on keeping
your relationship fulfilling. Whether this is aweekly date night or daily rituals that help
you and your partner connect, make eachother a priority and stick to it!
4. Think outside the box!
If monotony is the cause of your sexualstagnation, maybe now is a good time to
approach your partner about adding somespice to your erotic life. While being
respectful of boundaries, making sex fun andplayful again can often lead to increased
frequency and pleasure. Adding toys andother sexual enhancement products, new
positions, or role play fantasies to your
sexual repertoire can be a fresh way to
experience one another.
5. Make love all day.
I know, you’re thinking, “who has time for
that?!” But when I say make love, I’m not
talking specifically about intercourse. So
often, we get tied up in the idea that sex needs
to be spontaneous for it to be hot, but that is
not always the case. Think about it: if you
receive a suggestive text message or email at
the beginning of your work day and continue
to flirt with and tease your partner, by the
time you get home the anticipation and the
sexual tension will be rampant. You’re
actively sending signals to your partner that
they are desired by you, and vice versa. Try
it! If you and your partner have planned
dates for intimacy (or if you’d like to try),
plant the seed early on in the day and keep it
going! And above all, have fun,
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